Commissioner Bratton avoids poorhouse: Whew!
Linking to the New York Daily News makes me feel a little icky, but this was too good to pass up: LAPD Commissioner William Bratton is leaving to join security company Altegrity. Why? Well, for the money, of course:
He said he was about to get hit with a big interest-rate bump on the seven-year adjustable mortgage on his Los Feliz home. "Despite you paying me very well, I would be literally in the poorhouse," said Bratton, who makes $300,442 a year with the LAPD.A: I hate it when people use "literally" wrong. He's not "literally" going to be in the poorhouse. He's "literally" going to be poor. If he was "literally" going to be in the poorhouse, he would "literally" be cuffed and confined to a prison for debtors. I'm guessing that would never actually happen to the head of the LAPD. Maybe I'm wrong. Also, one might ask (so I will) if we want a guy who's too dumb to figure out that an adjustable rate mortgage is a bad idea to be running the LAPD/NYPD/engaging-in-"nation-building" (that's his new job). But that would be unfair, since he obviously never had any intention of staying in LA long enough for that ARM to kick in (that's why he got an ARM in the first place). Good luck selling the place, Billy. Not that I really care. I don't live in LA. LA in Maine means the great co-existing cities of Lewiston-Auburn, side-by-side across the Androscoggin River. At about 45,000 people, they make up the second greatest concentration of people in this lovely state. Anyhoo, I would also like to point out that this Altegrity joint may be great at training law enforcement and doing background checks, but they seemed to be grammatically challenged. Their motto is: "We help our clients Make Decisions Smarter." Um, huh? If they wanted to go with "Make Smarter Decisions" I could live with that. Still kind of clunky, but okay. I mean, smart is really an adjective that should modify a sentient being, and really shouldn't be applied to an abstract noun like "decision," but I can see how people call decisions "smart," even though really it's the person that made the decision that's smart. No big deal. But this whole "Make Decisions Smarter"? At that point, you're really modifying the verb "Make," and you really want to use an adverb for that, like "make decisions more smartly," or something, which is admittedly clunky but is at least grammatically correct. Or, even worse, you could infer that "Make Decisions Smarter" is somehow implying that they'll retroactively make decisions smarter after the fact or something, which doesn't make a whole lot of sense unless they're saying that they can fix mistakes, but I don't think that's what they're saying. How about "Make Better Decisions"? Isn't that what they're going for? I'd be really curious as to how that marketing decision came to be. I'm guessing it was really "efforted."